Not That Kinda Girl

Relax…it’s not that kinda post either.

I am writing about salad dressing here folks.

That’s right, 6 weeks has lapsed since my last post, I’ve been effing busy…because eating healthy is WORK.  I know a lot of people who do eat whole foods and prepare ALL their human fuel say, it’s no big deal.  But to me, I’m like Dorothy Gale, freshly exported to a strange world, only to find out my transportation killed someone and I have no way to get home – completely disoriented.  Bone Broths, Hemp Hearts and Chia oh my! Not to mention pressure cooking with my new Instant Pot (which I had a substantial fear for the first 5 uses, but after sustained exposure I overcame! The youtube tutorial with an 8 year old girl explaining how to steam corn may have also helped my irrationality) and just plain navigating my laundry list of intolerances bestowed upon me by my Naturopath, this is a new way of thinking and therefore…WORK.

But I will say…it is good work I’ve been doing.

And yes, there may be a sprinkle of hyperbole to this post to spice things up (since I am also intolerant to pepper…I shit you not, I really am…peppercorns, red, yellow, green peppers, chilli pepper…this body is going to reject it).  Not to misrepresent, I haven’t just been in the kitchen for 6 weeks trying to make this new leaf more palatable and manageable.  I was also on a 2 week adventure down the Pacific Coast with my husband and son, a 3200 km round trip of being in the moment and seeing beautiful parts of our planet.  This being in the moment stuff also included indulging in local seafood (because there’s chips with that fish and tartar sauce too), breweries and other restaurants and of course ice cream.  And let me tell you, a 2 week break from my new dietary restrictions wreaked havoc on my body, mostly my skin, migraines and digestive tract.  I paid dearly with bodily functions I dare not speak out loud (no hyperbole needed there, so so so bad).

Oregon Coast by Haystack Rock.  The beauty was not lost on me, even though my intestines could have cared less about the wonder of it all.

So I am back on the wagon AGAIN.  I like this metaphor and have used it before, I know.  But this wagon is filled with organic vegetables, fresh herbs, garlic and ginger, dates, hemp hearts, cod liver oil, grass-fed anti-biotic free protein, MCT oil…and many other eye-rolling pretentious cargo that I use to ignore (I was probably too busy rolling my eyes around in their sockets).  SO this means no more pre-packaged foods, even garlic salt is a no-no due to the processing, no more pizza or soy sauce with my sushi, no more breakfast out, eggs no, wheat no, hashbrowns nope! No more Hidden Valley Ranch for lovingly enveloping the dip of my fries…both NO.  And that means the entire smorg of salad dressings taking up a shelf and a half in the door of our fridge, has become obsolete for this girl.

So I have been playing around with making my own dressings, controlling what goes in to the mason jar and my body.  I find this amusing and yet laced with a moment of pride because I never had the time, energy or desire to prepare and eat food like this before I learned about my intolerances.  Now that some of my symptoms are resolving, I am finding it worth it and there’s the added bonus of actually having enough clarity and energy to put into eating this way.  Less inflammation means less acne, less chronic pain, less migraines!

The Salad dressing was the final creation I made today, in a string of food prep.  It began with making my son (who’s eczema has cleared since following his intolerances more carefully), turkey and rice soup from the bone broth I had frozen from last week and brown rice I made last night after dinner in the Instant Pot, because I can, and some turkey frozen from…well, I can’t be sure about it’s carbon date but it tasted and smelled fine?! And then I had frozen duck cubes that I had eagerly bought months ago only to avoid using them until now.  Sometimes I buy things forgetting I am the one who also must prepare it! That Instant Pot though, is like liquid courage for me in the kitchen…it’s like I can do anything (except make popcorn in it…what’s up with that anyway).  I made a delicious sauce resembling a Chinese BB-Q marinade with ingredients I can tolerate and bombs away.  And finally, after soaking the hemp hearts for a few hours I blended them up with some garlic, dates, lemon, oregano, parsley, sea salt and apple cider vinegar and Voila…it not only looks like Ranch…it tastes so!


I may not have been that kinda girl, the one who makes meals from scratch and cares how food makes her body run, but I now understand it as so much more than that.  My hand made salad dressing a symbol of the healthy choices I plan to make going forward and another way for me to be creative.  I am that kinda girl, sitting on her whole food wagon, feeling proud, energized and amused. (and if you don’t like it, get out of my kitchen yo;) . Just kidding, you should stay and try the dip dammit!


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